Hello!

I know, it’s been awhile, but I hope this finds you well.  I’ve finally posted the audio link to Betrayal – Finding Your Foothold In Faith.  It’s an extended audio version to the previous text post.   I think I got carried away as it is longer than the last audio link; Betrayal – The Julius Caesar Shock.   Sorry ’bout that !

Recovering from the shock of betrayal whether emotional (at least as far as I know!) or otherwise, has left me with much to share with those of similar experience.  So, from Endless Dark Pits to Hersey Kisses to Federation Starships…(if you read the last post, it’ll all make sense!) I’ve found the answer in Finding a Foothold in Faith!

I hope that something from what I share might be of help to someone who on their own healing journey.   And no matter what, don’t lose heart. Ever.

Feel free to share your thoughts at:  bhbanter@gmail.com

Have a blessed day! Roe

AUDIO LINK:  Into/Extro Music by P. Ranallo

I’ve added a couple of YouTube videos for listening/viewing purposes – of songs that I enjoy…hope you do too!

LISTEN TO THE SOUND – Building 429

WHAT FAITH CAN DO – Kutless

Hello!

I’m afraid I’m taking more time than expected to post the audio link follow-up to the previous posting – The Julius Caesar Shock.  Some health issues re-surfaced, but slowly back on track!   All I need now is a big chunk of Toblerone or Hersey Kisses – and I’m back!

So I’ll be adding the new post (Betrayal - Finding Your Foothold in Faith) very soon.  It’ll follow up on getting past the shock of emotional betrayal (or any kind of betrayal for that matter) discussed in the earlier audio link.   Although at the time you’re living the shock, it’s difficult to imagine a day when you won’t be stumbling around in a daze, stunned by the fact that someone you trusted violated that trust. But that day does come.

And it doesn’t matter what state the relationship was in or whether you yourself had thoughts of ending it – the result of betrayal weighs just as heavily. Violated trust is violated trust.

As someone wrote me…they were overwhelmed by the feelings of shame and failure. Even more difficult to bear when witnessed by their children.  I’d like to repeat what I stated in an earlier post – the person betrayed should not bear the burden of the shame. While no one is perfect and we must all take responsibility for our actions – I do believe everyone deserves some respect and betrayal is a most offensive form of disrespect. It is one thing to confront and another to deceive. I won’t go into the insidiousness of betrayal and how it turns itself on its victims, which I speak of in the previous audio link.

Suffice it to say, that a person betrayed – emotional or otherwise – tends to turn all the awfulness of betrayal on themselves.  So following the shock, comes the arduous task of making your way out of that awfulness and finding truth in a truth-lacking situation.

We’ve most likely all heard about the stages of loss/grief (five or seven – depending on the expert) from shock, anger, depression etc.  Not everyone will necessarily experience each stage…but certainly we will cross through most of them.  I didn’t really cross the anger stage – I was stuck for much longer in the shock stage.  I always felt anyone who can betray – and intentionally violate a trust – has serious issues so I was more stunned than angered.

You might ask, “didn’t you even feel anger at yourself for missing the signs?”  I wasn’t so much angry at myself as I was feeling sorry for myself at having been “exposed” as an “idiot”!  (See Audio-Link: Betrayal – The Julius Caesar Shock)

It was as though the ground beneath me crumbled into an endless pit and catapulted me downward into its darkness. Falling, falling, grasping, grasping, at anything, trying to find some way to stop the emotional plummeting.  See, when everything you believed in proves untrue – where do you go from there? How do you make sense of what is and is not?

I always like to say, that my sister, niece and best friend reached into the pit with a long lifeline and dragged me out of it, holding me up long enough until I found the faith that helped me stand on my own.   I know, that sounds dramatic…but the truth is…it was and is. But it’s all good…because when what you believe to be true explodes in your face, then the only truth that matters is the absolute truth that comes with faith. That is a truth which never changes.

I always thought I was a fairly faith-ful person – but this experience showed me otherwise. For that, I am grateful. I look at it like this…the faith I thought I had and the faith I found I didn’t have, can be explained with an analogy to watching a Broadway show.  It’s exciting and incredibly fun to sit in the dark and watch the story unfold onstage.  You may laugh and cry and and shout and stomp and clap to the music – even feel like you’re part of something special – but you really aren’t part of the show.  That’s the kind of faith I had.

But what if you became part of the show?  What if you were right there immersed in the unfolding story?  How exciting would that be?  Of course, you would have so much more invested and now – you’re not watching the show, you’re living it.  So, if anything good came out of a terrible experience, that was it.

After the shock, there was a long stretch of isolation – trying to come to grips with my own insecurities and fears.  And let me tell you, fear is perhaps the greatest weapon we use against ourselves (we’ll talk about that at a later date).   I shut myself from the world and if I wasn’t already a television addict, I became one then!  I could probably become a TV show critic…I think I’ve seen every episode of every Sci-Fi show ever produced over the last several years and beyond!  From the Star Trek series – EVERY federation ship from EVERY quadrant of the galaxy! - Battlestar Galactica, Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Stargate Universe (you get my drift!), to any other show I could use to stop from having to think or feel.

I know now, that my self-imposed isolation – normal though some of it was – would not have lasted as long if I had done a few things differently. Such precious time wasted.  I’ve read that every thought good or bad manifests itself in your body somehow. I believe that to be true and no one is worth the decline of your own health. I know…between struggling with the onslaught of serious health issues and trying to shake off the shock – I wore myself out.  But on the up side, I can tell you how the world was barely saved from utter destruction, time and again, by a varying group of space-faring misfits!  Really!

So if I can share any insight that might prove helpful in some way, then becoming a sci-fi expert was well worth it!

I will post the audio link – Betrayal – Finding Your Foothold in Faith – soon. In the meantime, I’m searching my cupboards for some Hersey Kisses – there has to be one hiding out somewhere!

I like to share songs with posts – but I haven’t quite figured out how to with infringing on any rights – so for now, I’ll simply share the titles:

Walking On The Stars,  Group 1 Crew

Where My Heart Will Take Me,  Russell Watson                                                        Used as the theme song to Star Trek Enterprise...(yeah, I wasn’t kidding about the Sci-Fi stuff!)  It is actually a re-worked version of Faith Of The Heart performed by Rod Stewart for the Patch Adams soundtrack in 1998.  Written by Diane Warren.

And while comments cannot be posted, feel free to share your thoughts at:  bhbanter@gmail.com.

Have a blessed day! Roe

Hello!

Below is the audio post (meant to be uploaded a few posts ago!).  I hope that some insights might be helpful to someone who needs it.  I believe that sometimes, just knowing another person really “gets” what you are living – validates those feelings that otherwise make you think you’re losing it.  (And there certainly are days … and days (!)  when it just seems to make no sense at all)

We all react differently to life-changing events and often, there is no right or wrong…just different.  While some may move on quickly, for others, the journey of healing is slower.  If you are on such a journey, whichever it may be for you, there is always something you can smile about. Don’t lose heart. Ever.

If you’d like to share your thoughts;  bhbanter@gmail.com

Have a blessed day! Roe

AUDIO LINK -Intro/Extro Music by P.Ranallo:     Betrayal – The Julius Caesar Shock

I’ve included a couple of versions of an old classic that seem appropriate…they’re both great but I so enjoy the Miguel / Jackson version…hope you enjoy!

SMILE – Celine Dion

SMILE – Luis Miguel / Michael Jackson

I do want to emphasize once again, that any thoughts that are or will be shared on this site should not be taken as professional advice.  Please bear in mind they’re simply personal opinion.  When I finally decided to start this blog, (I wrestled with the thought of exposing my own feelings for some time!) it was my intention to share thoughts of my own journey of healing from betrayal in the hopes it could help someone else in some way.

I remember, in my case, searching the internet until I couldn’t see straight anymore. I can’t even describe exactly what I was searching for because the flood of emotions were in constant conflict with each other. (Seriously, there was an interminably long WWF match going on in my head!)  But I do know I needed others who understood the mental and emotional wrestling match I found myself in unexpectedly.

Yes, a support group would have been great, but I found none in my area that I was interested in attending…so I looked to the net. While my family and friends were hugely supportive and helped me in so many ways, there were times – as is often part of the human condition – that I felt the need to share with others who had lived or were living my experience.

I also know that I really wanted to hear someone express thoughts similar to what I was experiencing – in addition to reading about them.  I guess I needed an ”emotional” human touch from someone else in my shoes. That’s why when I started this, my plan was to simply make it an “audio” blog – or podcast.

I created this blog with that in mind and planned to circulate it among family and friends and ask them to pass it on to anyone they thought might find it helpful. That was about it.

So my sincere thanks to those of you who have commented (and shame on you – whoever or whatever sends out all that spam stuff!). I am very grateful for the interest – the audio link should be uploaded soon – and I so hope that a thought shared here might be of benefit to someone.

…and like it or hate it, please just bear in mind it’s a personal exchange of thoughts and experiences with the wish of helping even just one other person who is on their own personal journey of healing.

Have a blessed day!  Roe

I suppose the difference is that poor Julius Caesar never had the chance to overcome that shock.  So here’s this great Roman general and statesman whose last emotion was the shock of what his friend had done.  Julius Caesar suffered betrayal in the most brutal way.

Perhaps the betrayal in our lives was not as brutal, but the shock is nonetheless very real. The evil thing  (that’s what I like to call it!) about betrayal, is that the shock can be debilitating.  The end of a relationship is difficult enough – there may be a change of family, friends, finances even lifestyle –  but betrayal adds a greater burden.

I call it the “evil” of betrayal, because it has this insidious way of  bringing into question your own self-worth and your ability to make sound judgements, despite the fact that you were not the one who “did this awful thing”.   So in a way, a person betrayed is a victim twice – once as a person deceived and then again – a victim to the overwhelming, self-defeating emotions that knock you down and drag you under.

No one is perfect – there’s no question about that – but everyone deserves respect and betrayal is a most offensive form of disrespect. And yet, the person betrayed, erroneously takes on the burden of the betrayal.

The journey to healing is no doubt different for everyone, but I wish I had done a few things differently to hasten that journey.  It was not an easy decision to start up this blog as I am rather private about such things…but if any thought shared here can help someone else…then it will have been worth it.

I discuss this further in my audio posting – which has yet to be posted as I am having a few technical difficulties (which is a nice way of saying I’m technically challenged!) …but with any luck it should be uploaded in the next few days.  I apologize for the delay…

Have a Blessed day! Roe

A SPECIAL NOTE TO READERS:

It’s extremely important to point out (and a disclaimer will be added)…that thoughts or suggestions expressed here are simply my opinion or perhaps those of a guest – and not intended as professional or medical advice.  If professional advice is used – it will be clearly credited as such.

Thank you again for sharing !

First, I’d like to wish you a New Year filled with all you desire and dreams come true!  I hope this will become a place that will draw you to share with others of like mind and experiences.

I decided to create BlueHorseBanter because when I was faced with a situation of emotional betrayal, I scoured the internet looking for answers to questions I hadn’t even really considered. My appetite was voracious. Almost as bad as when I’m hit with a chocolate craving!  (Bowing my head…yes…I’m a chocoholic!)

Unable to really handle the fallout from emotional betrayal, I frantically searched for some kind of ‘bandage’ to stop the flow of shock and pain. It was the violation of trust from someone trusted that felt insurmountable. I surfed and surfed with a zeal unmatched and found some terrific ‘support’ sites.

Things are so much better now.  It has been a long journey and I hope that BlueHorseBanter can become a ‘meeting place’ of sorts where you can find some solace – even if in the most minute dose…because when the pain is deep – any little comfort is a blessing…for me anyway.

I haven’t figured out all the mechanics of this site yet, but I am planning to write a weekly post supported by a podcast.  I found I was missing that vocal discussion when I visited various sites. I hope to be able to touch on subjects that are perhaps important to you as well.  I’ve learned much on my journey to healing and if anything from my experience can help someone out there – then my experience will at least have served a more meaningful purpose.

So join me every week for a little talk – Heart & Soul…

Have a Blessed day!  Roe